When we talk about suicide prevention, a very pertinent question comes up, which is: “Why do people take their own lives?”
The reasons are many. It may be depression, mental illnesses, a moment of crisis, inability to deal with stress, relationship issues, or financial burdens. Or, poverty, chronic illness, discrimination, bullying, humiliation, or an impulse when life feels more painful than death itself. The question remains: Can anything be worse than death?
As a mental health expert counselling for depression and suicide prevention, I know that those who take their own life are mainly at a point of extreme helplessness and hopelessness where nothing seems worth living for.
But, first, let us address the most popular myths around suicide.
Mythbusting Suicide
The most prominent one, which goes around, says: “those who talk about taking their own life, will never take it”. Well, this is a myth. Every time anyone mentions that they have been thinking about death or about taking their life, or that they feel that their life is not worth living, we should take it extremely seriously.
Another myth is, “those who talk about committing suicide want to die”. This may not be the case. They want the problematic situation to pass, and they feel death alone can end the situation they are going through. So, what can we do?
First, before writing them off as attention seekers or telling them to get a grip or not be selfish, let us check once if we can lend them an empathic ear. At times, just listening to someone can work wonders for suicide prevention and helping a person you care for.
Rather than being silent observers, we can proactively help identify people having suicidal thoughts, approach them, and address their issues. But while being enthusiastic is good, keep these eseential pointers for suicide prevention in mind.
What NOT to do
We should keep in mind these points while talking to someone having suicidal thoughts:
Pause, think, and try not to ask these questions:
a. “Why do you think about dying? Count your blessings instead.” It is almost impossible to replace the negatives with positives in those times.
b. “Did you think about your family? How can you be so selfish?” The individual having suicidal thoughts is already burdened by guilt and shame. Saying this doesn’t help
c. “How can you even think in such a way?” “There are people in far worse conditions and they are surviving, right?” No. Wrong. We can never compare one person’s struggles with another’s. And by saying this, we are invalidating a person’s true feelings, which can be exceedingly hurtful.
d. “You feel like this is a huge problem? This is nothing! Come on! Chill.” We do not know how big a problem it is to them. To us, it may not feel like a big deal; to them, it might. Repeating something like this trivialises their situation, and they might feel even more couped up and distant.
e. “Get busy, you are sitting idle, that’s why you are getting these thoughts.” Suicidal thoughts can be highly intrusive, and being busy is not enough. Handling these thoughts mostly requires an empathic ear and quite often professional help.
f. “Be strong”: When a person talks about death, they probably have already considered all other options, and being strong might feel exhausting. Expecting them to be strong is like adding to their burden.
g. “Why do you need a psychiatrist? You are not mad?” Just like we see a doctor when we have some physical health problems, a psychiatrist looks after our mental health, and it is equally important.
What you MUST do
a. Most importantly, let them know you are there and that professional help is available. Make sure they seek help from a psychiatrist first and subsequently a counsellor.
b. When somebody talks about death, make sure you let someone from the family know so that the person is not left alone at any point.
c. Let them know that they can talk to you whenever they want to/need to.
d. Let us just listen without judging and let them know that we are trying to understand. Most importantly, we must control our urge to give advice.
Suicidal but non-expressive
In some instances, the individual withdraws and becomes quiet about their suicidal thoughts. How do we know what a person is going through if they do not express it?
There are always signs, which can sometimes be so subtle that we may miss them. It is essential for us to look out for that friend who has suddenly gone quiet, check up on that family member who is distancing themselves or isolating themselves, or that loved one who has suddenly changed. You feel like you don’t know them anymore.
In such situations, we should put aside our grievances or grudges and let them know we are there to listen and accept their feelings. Let us not decide for them whether something is serious enough or too trivial to cry about. Let us assume that the person is in pain, and what is needed is an empathic presence or, at times, a shoulder to cry on.
What can work
Acceptance wins
Accepting a problem or concern in their life can often work wonders. It can instantly make that person more comfortable with your presence and share more. Conversations happening are always a good sign for suicide prevention in such scenarios.
Follow up
Once the subject has confided in you, following up with them gives them a sense of belonging to a community, maybe of school friends, old colleagues, or neighbours.
Employers
Regular mental health check-ups at the workplace are absolutely essential. It is important to have a professional counsellor for employees to talk to. Also, regular wellbeing programmes are the need of the hour. Employers can ensure a safe workplace environment by checking for effective ways to maintain work-life harmony. Company protocols might include fixed work hours and non-accessibility beyond work hours and on holidays. Mental health leaves can also be considered, where an employee can be allowed to take a leave to maintain their mental health.
Friends and Family
Once a near one is identified as having suicidal thoughts, or if we know someone who has attempted suicide once and failed, it is essential not to leave that person alone for a long time. Any sharp object, weapons, or arms should be removed from their vicinity. It should be ensured that they take professional help.
Non-judgmental and safe space
It is essential to create a non-judgmental and safe environment where individuals can express themselves freely and know that they are not alone.
Professional Help
The School of Counselling and Promotion of Wellbeing at The National Council of Education Bengal, Kolkata, conducts a very important PG Diploma Course on Person-Centered Counselling and Holistic Wellbeing. Apart from providing academic training to future counsellors, this course provides a safe and nonjudgmental space for free self-expression and self-growth.
Also, 10 free personal counselling sessions are provided to the trainees/students to enhance your mental wellbeing, before you start looking after the wellbeing of others: https://ncebengal.com/project/school-of-counselling-promotion-of-wellbeing/
At Wellbeing and Happiness for You (WHY), the team look for the WHYs and HOWs of better living. Every time that someone questions “WHY live”? WHY questions “WHY not?” WHY organises regular Mental Health Awareness Programmes, Programmes that aim at sensitising individuals towards being more empathic towards own self as well as others, Wellbeing Programmes, Self-Love and Self-Healing Programmes and also conducts extensive counselling sessions both online and offline. https://whywellbeing.in/
Finally, at times we forget that we too have a reset and restart button, and we can reset and restart anytime that we want to, taking help and support from the environment. Claim the life you wish to live!
